Categories
Poetry

Because I’m A Girl

The first thing I was ever told was that I was a girl 

I was told that I could never climb trees or ride bikes, but instead stay at home and play pretend with barbies because I was fragile 

I was told to wait for prince charming because he would come and save me 

I was told to dress up like a princess for halloween instead of a superhero because, god forbid, people would think that I was abnormal 

I was told that girls like pink and boys like blue because that’s just the way things are 

I was told that I could not play tennis because that simply was not something girls did 

I was limited, restrained and constricted with no escape 

All because I was a girl

I was told I had to walk a certain way, talk a certain way, and act a certain way because I should be the epitome of perfection 

I was told I had to be pretty with flawless skin and a zero size body

I was told to watch what I eat because one extra piece of candy or one extra slice of pizza would make me undesirable

I was told my height had to be 5’6 and my weight had to 120 pounds, unattainable 

I was told to be quiet when there was a serious discussion about politics going on, because my opinion did not matter 

I was limited, restrained and constricted with no escape 

All because I was a girl

I was told that I could not become a doctor because I am supposed to take care of the household 

I was told that people could use me and take advantage of me, but I should still remain silent 

I was told that I was a burden to my parents and the only way to get rid of me, marry me off 

I was told that the best gift I could ever give someone was finding a good husband

I was told that I stood for a sex symbol, that people could just throw me out when the job was done 

I was told that I could never be in charge of the finances of the family, because that is what guys do 

I was told to wear turtlenecks and jeans (not the jeans that were too tight) because even a little bit of skin showing might put me at risk or might seem provoking to men 

I was limited, restrained and constricted with no escape 

All because I was a girl

Because although I am human, I am not equal 

Because my gender comes before my abilities 

Because my gender dictates my life from start to finish 

Because people see my gender before they see the real me 

Because I am a girl 

And that’s just the way it is 

“I did everything he did backwards, and in heels”

– Ginger Rogers
Categories
Poetry

The Kind of Friend

I have a friend

Not the kind of friend that you are thinking about

I have the kind of friend that keeps knocking at my brain, trying to get it so it can poison me with its thoughts

The kind of friend that tells me the world would be a better place without me

The kind of friend that forces me to be happy as I continuously hurt myself

The kind of friend that watches and stares as I try desperately to be desirable

The kind of friend the wont stop talking, telling me everything that is wrong with me

‘you can’t go out in that dress’

‘you look fat’

‘they are just pretending to be your friends’

‘no one really wants you’

The kind of friend that makes me second guess myself, that stops me from doing what I want

The kind of friend that forces me to put a smile on my face every morning and wear pants so that people don’t see the scars from the battle we had the night before

The kind of friend that no one knows about

The kind of friend that controls my every move and every step just by simply being there

The kind of friend that takes over my body, breaks relationships, forces me to push people away, taught me not to trust anyone

The kind of friend that leaves me crying in the bathroom at 1 am with a blade in my hand contemplating the value of life

The kind of friend that laughs as I hopelessly try to cling on to the last strands of happiness that she controls

The kind of friend that leaves me scared to stay at home alone

The kind of friend that forces me to fight with my demons every night

The kind of friend that I sadly can never out smart, the clingy kind that won’t ever leave no matter how hard you try, the kind that can’t take a hint

The kind of friend that keeps coming back for more even though you have tried to flush it out with a cocktail or pills and just when you think she might be gone forever she comes back

And I hate to say it, but over the years this friend has become a part of me

This is the kind of friend that is here to stay

The kind of friend that I, unfortunately, cannot live without

– Nikhila

“There are times when explanations, no matter how reasonable, just don’t seem to help”

– Fred Rogers
Categories
Miscellaneous

Hello There World!

Hi There,
Welcome to my blog! This is a safe space for everyone to share how they are feeling (especially myself) and I hope you enjoy your stay here.

This blog is just a dump of ideas and writing that I have no where else to showcase. I love writing poetry and short stories as well as talking abut current events.

Similar to many people, writing is my outlet and I just hope that through my blog you find that you are not alone in how you are feeling and you can find comfort and peace in my writing.

So, I hope you can enjoy your stay here and have a great time just like I will be writing for each and every single one of you!

– Nikhila